Congratulations, the Algorithm Has Decided You Are a Coastal Millennial Who Likes Feta and Self-Deprecating Anxiety Humor
TikTok's For You Page promised to show you content perfectly tailored to your unique soul. What it actually did was funnel you — and approximately 170 million other people — into the same six personality archetypes, the same three audio clips, and the same joke told in slightly different fonts. Here's how it happened, ranked from mildly concerning to genuinely existential.